Sunday Check In!

I feel like I've updated a little more this week than usual so that's a good thing. This week has been traumatic and crazy, but I survived and you survived if you're reading this so.... we're starting off on the right foot! :)

This weekend has been okay. It started snowing on Friday night and where I'm from, the whole world shuts down for a little bit of snow. Granted, they had been predicting anywhere from 2-13 inches all week so no one really knew exactly how much we would get, but still...everything is at a stand still.

Obviously, I live in the south.

Now, as you may remember I was REALLY excited about making a home made whole wheat pizza. That was not in my cards this weekend as the hunt for whole wheat dough did not pan out and I was NOT about to "brave" the grocery store on Friday afternoon for whole wheat flour because it was a mad house. Not only that, but i get off of work at 3:00pm on Friday which is considerably earlier than most. Everyone was driving like the sky was falling and it just wasn't falling yet! Frustrating!

After dodging traffic and stopping at Walmart long enough to pick up a color printer cartridge so I could do my Bio homework this weekend I FINALLY made it home. *whew*

Let's see. Friday night my parents went out to a Mexican restaurant (pre-snow) and brought back ceviche for me, light on the jalepenos, with avocado, 86 the crunchy tortilla things they send home to eat it with (that are FREAKING AWESOME BTW). Score one for the parentals looking out! I ate the super yumminess and was still hungry a little while later so I made some Whole Grain Mac and Cheese (best stuff ever, in case you didn't read that before either). I'll admit it, I ate ALL of it, but I wanted to. I figure it was better than me binging out on everything else in the house. So be it.

Saturday morning was a little odd. Usually my parents are up early to take Stimpy to the vet, so they slept in on Saturday for the first time in 2 years. Phoenix (my other precious fur baby) was very vocal which is rare. I don't know if he was actually hungry or just needy because the big cat isn't home anymore and no one was awake to pay attention to him. Seriously, you would think no one EVER paid attention to him. We dote on him ALL OF THE TIME! Scrambled eggs with cheese and 2 slices of turkey bacon for breakfast. Along with a glass of milk and 2 cups of coffee later in the day.

For lunch I had some of the AWESOME South Beach friendly Italian Lentils & Sausage soup that Mom made the day before.

Dinner was the same with a can of green beans. Have I mentioned I love those too?

I have finally eaten all of my Asher's candy bars, so I ended up having one Sugar Free fudgesicle with a tablespoon of crunchy natural peanut butter. Not as good as those candy bars, but it sufficed.

I told you guys I was going to change my official weigh day to Wednesday so I could report to my therapist. Yesterday I was really conscious of my sodium intake. I only had ONE soda, I did drink 4 glasses of water and the 2 cups of coffee. I added a little salt on the green beans, the soup already had sausage in it so of course it was already salty.

What would the scale say this morning??!??! 195.5 ladies and gentlemen!

OHHHHH YEAHHHH!!!!

The 2.5 pound loss per week MAY be achievable!!!! Well, I know it is, but it means I have to dot my i's and cross my t's. I only have .5 lb to lose this week to be "on track." That's doable!!! So excited!!!!

If I keep this up, that would be mean Wednesday I will be down to 195.0. And within the next Week or so after that I will be taking ANOTHER progress picture. 192. Not only that, but that will put me at a total loss of 15 pounds total. ALMOST to 10%!!!!!

Hopefully something really cool and exciting will happen so I will have something worthwhile to post and can entertain you guys!!!!

Hope you're doing well!!!! Have a FANTASTIC week!

One of the best decisions I've ever made...

As you've probably gathered, I've been obese/overweight for the majority of my life.

There have been a few times in my late teens-now that I have dropped down in weight, but never to what I would consider the "magical" number I would consider myself skinny at. That number usually ranges from 135-145.

To be honest with you I don't even know what I would look like at 145 much less 135 because I don't remember the last time I saw that number. In fact, I remember in 8th grade applying for a magnet high school I wanted to attend and wanted to lose about 20pounds, so even then I was around 155. I remember thinking I was sooooo fat, which in comparison to those around me I was a bigger girl than most of my friends, but I realize I have a very bad issue body image distortion. Now, looking back on pictures, I realized that I had an incredible set of legs and I didn't really look as bad as I thought I did.

After many yo yo diets, after many intentions of eating healthier and working out, after many failed attempts at losing weight for good I realized I should take a different approach to this whole thing.

I am an over eater and I am a binge eater. There has to be some kind of psychological mojo to all of this and if I figure THAT part out, I feel like I will be equipped with the tools for success.

I started looking for therapists online dealing with eating disorders. I have never been officially diagnosed, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that when you PLAN to go to the grocery store to get a box of Little Debbie cakes and consume most if not all of them in the car and hide the evidence... well, that's just not normal.

I found a therapist's website that specialized in women's health/eating disorders. What really stuck out to me is that Mrs. Deere was not only a psychologist with these specializations, BUT she had lost 112 lbs and kept it off for 6 years. This is someone that could really understand my struggles.

I made the appointment and I was so incredibly nervous all day. I have never been to a psychologist before and didn't know what to expect. Thinking back, I probably was nervous about the fact that I had to learn to FEEL my feelings and was also letting go of the comfort of emotional eating.

So far I've met with her 6 times. We meet once a week on Wednesdays. It has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. There are days when I feel like I am never going to break through my emotional blockages because I just don't "GET" them and there are days where I feel like everything is going to be alright. The main thing here is that I have HOPE. I have hope that I will learn to feel my feelings, I have hope that I will be able to break this cycle and I have hope that the 10 lbs I have lost so far are GONE FOR GOOD and that the remaining 50 I have to lose will be gone for good as well.

I have someone in my corner constantly. When I have been "bad" she absolves my sins. Sounds hokey, but you know what? Sometimes you need someone to tell you that it's okay and you are forgiven so that you can forgive yourself.

For those of you out there struggling with depression or eating disorders. I encourage you to grab this journey by the horns and kick it's ass. :)

What day is it again?

I am so thrown off right now. After an incredible weekend with friends from out of town. All in all I guess I really didn't do *that* bad. We ended up at an Irish pub. I had a very yummy Irish club (grilled chicken, cheese, bacon on white bread)and their homemade kettle chips which I didn't eat many of. Then there were a few beers. We left and went by a tattoo parlor. They had been toying with the ideas of getting new ink and who doesn't love new ink? Especially on vacation. They didn't end up getting anything done and we went to another sports bar where we had a few more drinks. Then I proceeded to drink a glass of wine when I got home because I wasn't buzzed and I wanted to be.... and I was. I stayed up way too late, but luckily didn't have to be at work until 8 (which really meant 8:30).

Got to work on Monday... and then I started to feel icky. I really don't think it was a hangover because I didn't feel bad all morning. I just started feeling like I wanted to throw up and I was hot and cold so I took my temp and I was running a little bit of a fever so I went home.

Then the day of doom began.

Long story short because to be honest I don't really want to get into the long story.... I have 2 cats. Now I have one cat. My oldest cat was almost 18, had cancer and the major issue he was suffering from was renal failure. For 2 years my parents have done everything in their power to help that cat maintain his quality of life as well as a pain free life. Which included taking him into the vet twice a week for pain patches, taking him for fluids every other day here at the end, getting him chicken to eat (which was his favorite) when he wouldn't eat anything else, etc.

Let me tell you, we are animal people. Always have been and I wouldn't trade that for the world. My parents look at their animals as their "other" children. I look at them as a brother or sister, or in my case with "my" cat... he is MY child. Now, saying that, we would do absolutely ANYTHING in our power to help them however we can when in need. My parents were blessed to be able to afford to keep Stimpy alive as long as they could. I'm talking seveal medications he was taking every day, the pain patches were $90 a week.... it got to the point that the vet didn't even charge my family for a vet visit each time. He was the hospitals mascot.

Watching the slow decline of his health was heart wrenching. Just like losing an old friend or watching a parent or grandparent deteriorate in front of you. We prayed and prayed that he would die in his sleep rather than us having to make the decision to put him down. Lets face it, who wants to kill their friend?

I got home from work and my mom was on the phone with the vet. It was time. She made an appointment for him at 3:00 and called my dad. And I cried. And I cried. And I cried for at least 3 hours. My parents cried. We took him to the vet and he didn't even put up a fight, not the he would've, but I've heard of animals that almost know its coming and freak out the whole way. Instead he rested. He was a tired cat.... he was worn out and he put up a fight to stay with us as long as he could.

And then he was gone.

I didn't study on Sunday... I didn't study on Monday afternoon. I didn't go to work Tuesday. I still wasn't feeling good, I was emotionally exhausted and desparately needed to study. That's what I did.

I bombed the CRAP out of my bio test, but I figure there are 7. Go ahead and do really bad on one and then you have it out of the way for the semester.

After 2 really bad days...

I woke up feeling more centered today than I have in quite a while.

TOM is finally almost over. I feel like it's been coming on FOREVER....

I think I'm going to change my weigh in day to Wednesdays so I can report to my therapist. I weighed in at 197.5 this morning. 2 lbs down from what I had been seeing all week, but only .5 down from my lowest weigh in on the 17th. I'll take it!

I didn't freak out this morning when I got to work and there were papers all over my desk from where they covered for me yesterday. Normally I FREAK because my OCD doesn't allow me to do much otherwise. Before I came in the building I told myself to breathe and to get over it.... I knew what was going to happen and it was inevitable.

When I was getting ready to write my blog I was looking at my weigh ins. For a split second I was discouraged because I was thinking "only .5 down over the past 10 days!?!?!" I guess I just need to get used to that with TOM. On the other hand, I am EXTREMELY encouraged because I will be seeing Mike in 11 weeks. 77 days! If I lost 2.5 lbs per week I will be able to reach my goal of 170 by April 17th.

A few of the girls and I on 3FC are having a "2.5 CLUB" where we really push each other. Let's face it -- you don't lose 2.5 lbs per week cheating here and there, not drinking enough water or drinking on the weekends. This means DISCIPLINE!!!!!

I'm motivated.

I know I keep saying this, but I think it's time to incorporate exercise back in. I keep avoiding it to be honest because with school I'm so busy that when I come home all I want to do is sit on the couch. On the weekends all I do is study so my breaks are for "me."

Also, since we're putting everything out there, I'm afraid if I start exercising I'll start gaining. I have resistance bands I want to do and I know they work, but I don't want to add on a bunch of muscle weight. :( Yes, today, the number on the scale is more important that being tones. Note I said FOR TODAY...

Howver, I guess I could start exercising and see how my body reacts to it. Hell, it might hurt and if I'm losing it anyway -- WHY NOT?! HAHA

I keep thinking today is Monday since my days are all off.

I have therapy today, school tomorrow night and this weekend I will be making an organic whole wheat pizza. I'm really excited about this! If anyone has any suggestions for recipes, etc please let me know! I will be posting whatever recipe I use and pictures of the process!!!!

Continue to have a great week everyone!!!!

We made it another week...

So after my melt down Friday I would say this weekend has been really good.

Special shout out to Mrs. Fatass(of Did I Just Eat That Out Loud) for the well wishes! Thank you. If you guys haven't checked out her blog you should. She's adorable and an amazing writer!!! :)

The Nutrition test went well. There were only a few questions I second guessed myself on, but overall I feel like I kicked its ass! I will keep you guys posted.

TOM is finally here. WHEW. After 3 months with no period (due to a yearly girl check up and then an abnormal pap which resulted in me having to have a biopsy -- everything came back normal and negative so I'm not completely falling apart) I just kept taking my BC.... and whew can we say BLOATED?

My parents brought home wings for me last night. I really shouldn't' have eaten them because they were fried, but I did anyway and I paid for it last night. YUCK!

Weighed in this morning knowing it was going to be up due to TOM, but was pleasantly surprised it was 199. Down .5 from earlier in the week so I feel like post time I should be down a few more pounds. YAY!

Today is a planned diversion because I have friends coming in from out of town to visit on their way up to Pittsburgh. Not really sure what our plans are. I have to say,t here really isn't much to do in this town.... nothing I want to do anyway. We had thought about seeing Avatar (to which I admitted my disappointment because why am I going to sit in a theatre for 2 hours where I can't talk to friends I haven't seen in over a year,) but they are sold out. So we'll figure something out I suppose? I am really excited to see them though!!!! :)

My therapist told me to do something for myself this week and I did that yesterday. After my test I came home, was finally able to get into my OWN car (my doors were frozen shut and I had to take my mom's car to campus for the test) I drove around BLARING some good dnb (Aaron Simpson's Through The Fire mix). I went to the mall to check out Sunglasses Hut. Here's my dilema of sorts.... I have a fabulous pair of BLACK sunglasses. I mean, BLACK BLACK you cant see though them at sundown because they are so dark. Which I love and got for free.... I don't even know where they came from or what company makes them. I've been eyeing a pair of Rayban aviators for a while and if I'm going to spend $170 on a pair of sunglasses then I'm going to get what I want. When I went to SH and showed the guy working my loves he was floored. He said he'd never seen a pair so dark before and basically told me I wouldn't find any anywhere.... not even a pair that weren't aviators. *SHRUGS* I will find them!!!

Treated myself to Starbucks. I have given up my wonderful Iced Chais with soy for unsweetened green tea that I throw 2 packs of splenda in.... and lemme tell you, its nice to pay $2.07 for a medium drink rather than $4.20!

I figured I would stop by my optometrist office because I need to set up an appointment for an eye exam in February anyway. I haven't had my eyes checked in at least 3 years. It's def time and I would like a new pair of frames. They were closed....

I came home and proceeded to listen to music for about 3 hours. When I say listen to music... I literally had my head phones on, perused Youtube and sang my little heart out at the top of my lungs. It was fabulous and I was happy.

Afterwards I had some lunch (cream of mushroom soup, green beans and broccoli and cheese), watched House which was DVRed.

Then came the most EPIC 3 hour couch nap.

BLISS!

I watched part of The Peaceful Warrior last night and finally fell asleep. I would definitely recommend watching this movie. I haven't finished it yet, but it is AMAZING. Thanks Mikey for the suggestion!

I've picked up around the house some today. Laundry is currently going. Have some clothes to hang up.... shower and Jen and Jon will be arriving around 1:30 or 2:00.

I'm pretty sure I'll be in the dog house with my father later. My Great Aunt Peggy died this week and her funeral is today at 3. I'm sorry, don't get me wrong, I am fond of Peggy and I understand this is for respect of the family and to "honor her life," but I don't do funerals anymore. That is another topic for another day. I think Peggy would be okay with me enjoying my day with friends... and this has been planned for over a month. While the funeral was mentioned, no one asked me to go, my mother asked if I was GOING to go last night to which I replied no.

I'm off to go finish chores and getting ready to see my dear friends.

Have a great Sunday everyone. Remember to enjoy your day, enjoy those around you and to BE IN THE MOMENT.

<3

I'm still here..

It's Friday. Thank God... well, it was a sucky Friday, but it's here. I have been inundated with school work and I am exhausted.

So...the eating has been good this week. The only "bad" thing I've had this week (that was still technically OP) is a grilled chicken sandwhich with cheese on a whole wheat bun from Chick Fil A.

I even opted out on the Italian restaurant my parents invited me to tonight.

I weighed in a few times this week at 199.5. Up 199.5 but I'm still blaming sodium and TOM should be here ANNNNY moment so I'm most def blaming that too. Definitely not discouraged by any means.

I have my first nutrition exam tomorrow morning. I feel under prepared and should be studying vs. blogging but I'll be honest...

I have ZERO motivation right now and I'm tired. I typed up all of the answers on the review sheet we were given. I need to go print it out and read over it until I fall asleep. The testing center is open from 8-12. I would like to be there around 8 which means with a 45 minute ride I should probably leave here no later than 7:30. There WILL be coffee.

And I don't think if I go to sleep now I will wake up early enough to continue studying because... I know myself, I like my sleep.

So... off to do real world things.

I hope you are all doing well and staying ON PLAN! :) No matter how frustrating things get... we have to keep on keepin' on if we REALLY want change, right?

Reminds me of the quote "Keep your coins, I want change..."

Good night all. Send some good test vibes my way!

And it's Sunday ALREADY!?!?!

Ahhh, glorious Sunday, you are here again.

I spent the morning watching "1o Questions with the Dalai Lama." It is amazing. I suggest everyone watch it. I kind of knew the gist of what had happened with Tibet, but was still very uneducated and while I am no expert I at least understand a little bit more and about the cultural GENOCIDE taking place. It is very sad and is so amazing to see the 14th Dalai Lama continuing his stance of non violence. He isn't even MAD at China for what they have done... makes me feel a little selfish getting pissed off over stupid things when there are much bigger fish to fry.

I weighed in this morning at 198! Meaning I have officially reached my FIRST mini goal. My mini goals are in sets of 10. Meaning 198, 188, 178, 168, 158, 148.... My MAIN big goal for right now is 150 and then finding an even ground somewhere between 150-140. I will have to see how low my body will go and also what I look healthy at. I've never been under 150 in my adult life so I'm not sure what "too thin" will look like or what number it will fall at.

But I'm excited. So my next big goal is 188!!!! And I have lost the first 10 lbs in a month which is ROCKIN! I'm sure if I keep up with staying ON PLAN, drinking water and working some exercise in that it will continue to keep on with a steady loss of 2 lbs per week. JULY HERE I COME!!!

I have procrastinated WAYYYYY too much today so I must go hop in the shower and get to studying. Luckily I have tomorrow off, but have LOTS I need to know for lab on Tuesday so I need to get my ass in gear.

I'll make a point to check back in as soon as possible. Bear with me, life is a little crazy right now.

Also, I have decided I will do another progress photo every 10 lbs. I did my first around 202 so I will be taking the next at 192. No sense in taking too many pictures too often, I won't see any progress.

HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYONE!!!

I am attempting trying to do some changes around here so if things look a little screwy at any point bear with me!!!

I haven't forgotten about you

Hello Again.

I have survived the land of school and work and made it through to Saturday. THANK GOD! What a week.... so Wednesday morning I weighed in.... 199!!!!! YEAH BOYYYYYY!!!!! I am really trying not to weigh in so much, but my therapist had said the week before she KNEW I would be in ONEderland by the following appointment so I really wanted to tell her YES! I DID IT! And not because I got wasted the night before.

My therapist is awesome. I don't think I mentioned her before. I have major compulsive overeating and binge issues. Back before I started the SBL I had looked into different therapists because I felt like seeing someone could help facilitate a PERMANENT change because I know a lot of my overeating/binging is psychological as well as learned (thanks Dad!). She specializes in women's issues and eating disorders. Not only that, but she lost 112 lbs and has kept it off for the past 6 years. I felt like I could work with someone who can empathize with me vs. sympathize. I am currently working on a workbook called "Food and Emotions" and as stupid or hokey as it sounds, it has really helped.

Thursday however was NOT such a great day. I had 2 conversations with friends that kind of put me in an emotional whirlwind. I felt emotionally all over the place. I felt bad about one instance that happened where a friend got mad at me at work for helping and took it as me trying to be bossy and make her feel stupid -- which was NOT my intention I was seriously trying to help her, and I apologized profusely but for whatever reason... it just made me feel shitty for the rest of the day. Combine that with lack of sleep (I went from about 7-9 hours of sleep every night to 5 hours of sleep between school and studying)... very long days.... and TOM coming next week... its was a volitile mix. So.... Thursday I did allow myself to FEEL my feelings... which means therapy is actually helping because I realized I was feeling UNCOMFORTABLE emotions vs. stuffing them down (literally). But, I was also very hungry leaving class and had not planned the night before for dinner... and did not feel like cooking, but KNEW I could do a grilled chicken sandwich on whole wheat from Chick Fil A. So I managed to JUSTIFY getting a fried chicken sandwich on whole wheat with cheese... with fries and a Diet Coke. I SCARFED the fries down on the way home, ate my sandwich when I got home... along with a bowl of soup and my mom's infamous "Dump Cake" dessert that she has not made in FOREVER. Then I felt even WORSE..... and was disappointed that while I recognized it was EMOTIONAL eating, I still allowed myself to do it. And I broke my one month streak of not having fast food.

Friday was just an INSANE day all around. I did feel much better emotionally, work was just bonkers. I am seriously blaming the solar eclipse. You know how us metaphysical people are... it's all about energy. And solar eclipse = very intense energy. Combined with a very HECTIC 2010 beginning... WHEW!!!! My friend Mikey and I were talking yesterday and he said it best.... 2010 is the year that will MAKE SHIT HAPPEN. And holy shit... it isn't playing!!!

Speaking of Mikey... Mikey and I have a very interesting relationship. I met him through a friend in Georgia mannnnnnnny moons ago. He was stationed in Columbus as he was in the Army. And there's always been this "thing" between the two of us. A very large dose of chemistry combined with always crossing the same paths in our lifetime. Many moons ago we were both into Wicca... and then when we reconnected we had both shifted into the enlightenment of Metaphysics. We've been wanting to meet up (he now lives in PA, I am in NC)... and I've partially been trying to hold him off because I am ashamed of my weight as it is much higher than it was mannnnny moons ago. He's not a superficial kind of guy but it's already going to be a little weird seeing him after so long... combined with being self conscious... combined with being even more self conscious due to weight -- let's hold this sucker off!!! I looked at my school schedule and it was either V-Day weekend... or sometime in April. So I offered up April. To which he agreed. The weekend of the 17th to be exact which gives me 90 days. 90 FREAKING DAYS.

My goal -- 20 lbs. My wish -- 30 lbs. Which is doable, but it's going to take dedication. So dear readers, we shall see on April 15th when I weigh in. I will weigh in tomorrow to see EXACTLY how far I have to go. For now.... at my most recent weigh in of 199... that would be me down to 179. My WISH would be 169.... which would also only be 19 lbs away from my first BIG goal (but not final) as well as having LOST 40 lbs. Obviously over half way to goal. And that would be pretty kick ass. But that's going to mean DISCIPLINE,DISCIPLINE AND MORE DISCIPLINE. Maybe that's what 2010 is doing for me... it is making shit happen in the form of discipline. "Stop putting it off, you've done it long enough, you've talked about it long enough... time to make shit happen!!!" And HOLY SHIT! I might just be LOSING IT! ;)

I am going to the library to do some studying... away from laptops, facebook, tv, kitties that I love so dearly and want to snuggle with especially as a distraction of what I am supposed to be doing... away from the Grey's Anatomy of this week I haven't watched yet and am anxiously awaiting.... and away from this procrastination I have succumbed to all morning. However, it IS Saturday morning... and I deserve a little relaxation time after my heavy week, right?

I hope you all are doing well and are enjoying your journey. Thanks for stopping by!!!

Stella's Gettin' Her Groove Back

Do you ever have those days where you just wake up feeling really good about yourself? Like for some reason you feel cuter than normal? Maybe you wake up and FEEL lighter than normal? You just wake up on the RIGHT side of the bed...


Welcome to my Monday. THANK YOU UNIVERSE!!!!

So I was going to take yesterday as my official weigh in. As you remember I weighed in at 199.5 on Saturday morning from my night of drinking. I knew it was water weight I had lost, but it was still nice to see ONEderland in there somewhere. It has been too long. Yesterday I weighed at 202, but made a conscious effort to drink a lot more water.

This morning out of curiosity I weighed in at 200 even! YAY! And I decided to take that as my official for the week because a) I really wanted to move my ticker down and b) it's SO freakin' close to 199 that I know it'll really push me this week. Now, if I can only behave myself.

Today has really flown by at work. In fact, I got some good news. Another school I work for has an opening for the same position and the girl who intially helped train me really wants me to be her replacement. I told her I was weary since I *will* be getting into nursing school and that means I will only be in the system for another 6 months. She spoke with the people she works with and they're okay with that. I emailed my resume. The attraction to start at a NEW school only to work there for 6 months is that it seems they all work together really well, which is not the case where I work. To be honest, I feel like I work with brick walls because nothing I say or do makes sense and they're all idiots.

Plus they're all really bad for my OCD. Seriously.

School is kicking my butt! I studied ALL weekend. Still wondering how I can work in eating right, studying my butt off and working out. I can't read and walk on the treadmill, just doesn't work for me, but we do have access to some podcasts for anatomy so maybe I could listen to those on my ipod?

Have a GREAT week everyone! I'll try to keep checking in this week as much as possible.

PS Made a whole wheat pasta recipe I found online Friday night. I kind of messed up the directions so maybe it would be a little better if I wasn't drinking while trying to cook. It wasn't horrible, but I def need to make something else this week. Unfortunately I'm broke until the end of the month (yay for a MONTHLY pay check!), but I reallllly want to make a homemade pizza with whole wheat crust. I'll let you guys know how that goes!!!!

Hi everyone! I haven't forgotten about this thing, it's just been a CRAZY week of getting back into the groove.

So ... I did pretty well this week about staying on plan. The only day I was really off was Friday. I decided I wanted a glass of red wine which in turn ended up being a bottle. Ooops! But it was really great. I'm usually a Riesling kind of girl, but I tried Yellow Tail's Shiraz-Cabernet. I'm not a dry/red wine kind of girl and this is just a right mix of peppery meets a hint of fruit! Good stuff. In my drunken stupor I did end up getting into the chocolate pretzels. My bad!!!

So Saturday morning I woke up and I always weigh less after a night of drinking.... I wanted to see what the scaled said and believe it or not it was 199.5!!!! That is not my official weigh in for the week, but it was still nice to finally see ONEderland after a few months. I'm not sure when I put on this weight this summer but I know there was some point in the summer/fall that I tipped the scales at 200. My heighest weight over the past few months has been 210ish. Screw that... NO MORE!!!!

School started and is going to keep me VERY busy!!!! I had my first night of class Thursday. I will be going to campus 2 days a week -- Tues and Thurs. Tuesday is my long night class from 5:30-6:50 then lab from 6:00-9:50. Yeow!! I'm really going to have to plan ahead and make sure I take some snacks and try to eat something before class. Luckily I have a fridge at work so it will probably consist of some kind of salad which is easily portable and a staple of soy nuts to keep me going. I don't like coming home and eating late, but I don't really have a whole lot of choice. We'll see how it goes.

That's pretty much all that's been going on in the world over here.

Official weigh in Sunday morning - 202. I'm okay with that since this week was def fluxing 203-203.5ish. I really am having a hard time getting my water in but need to make a habit of it. Also, I want to try to start walking again... 10 minutes a day is better than nothing. Just trying to figure out this whacky schedule.

I will keep checking in and will keep posting. :)

Have a GREAT week everyone!!!

Favorite Quote

This was in someone's signature on 3FC and I wrote it down a while ago. Unfortunately I can't remember who it belongs to so please forgive me.


"Four months from now what will you look like if you quit and what will you look like if you keep going? Four months is going to happen no matter what. What will beYOUR CHOICE? "

Bedtime for Bonzo

Well, Sunday has come to a wrap. Goodbye vacation. I enjoyed you!!!!

I was talking with my friend Mike tonight who is a genuine ray of sunshine in my life. We have been friends for many, many years and he's the kind of person you want to be around because he makes you feel good about life and about yourself. He makes me feel like I can do anything in the world... just by being him. He's awesome.

I decided to do 2 things I have been putting off FOREVER.
1. Make a list of affirmations for myself.
2. Make a list of goals [not to be confused with new year's resolutions]

I have made a copy of my affirmations for my room and for my car. I may make another one just to carry with me in my wallet.

I have also made a copy of my goals.

Affirmations
I am *awesome!*
I am intelligent!
I am a ray of positivity!
People enjoy being around me and appreciate me!
I am WORTHY!
I owe it to no one but myself!
I am HEALTHY and can't believe how fast I am losing weight!
I am an A student!

Goals
Get into nursing school
Start my summer of hippie sabbatical June 13. 2010 (I'll explain more about this later)
Visit friends more often
Save more money
Lose 50 lbs by July 15, 2010
Say at least 3 positive things per day
Start dressing to impress
When I feel good about myself write down why, keep a list
Tell people and show them that I appreciate them more often
Practice random acts of kindness and genuinely mean them
MANIFEST, MANIFEST, MANIFEST
take time to heal
make As in classes
Get to work 15 minutes early every day
Smile more
Remember to BREATHE
More Mikey!
Less bitching, more cuddling
Create a life I ABSOLUTELY ADORE!


My goals were written on a NEON green piece of poster board that I have put on the back of my bedroom door. I may try to move it but have to figure out where. I want it someplace I will see it every single day. I think I'll put it on my closet door actually! I have put my affirmations on a NEON pink piece of poster board that is taped to my floor length mirror.

I can go into more detail about these later but really need to force myself to go to bed.

Today was pretty good as far as on plan eating.

I made turkey bacon cheddar egg cups to take with me for breakfast tomorrow. Chicken salad to take for lunch. Veggie to pop in the microwave and some almonds for a snack.

Have a fantastic week everyone!!!!

Sunday, SUNDAY, SUNDAYYYYY!!!

Hello everyone,

Do you ever find yourself in situations that once they're through you feel like such a huge weight has been lifted off of you that you feel almost like you have a new lease on life?! Well, that happened to me today and it went much better than expected... so I'm feeling like myself again. And I'm really excited about it!!! :)

Tomorrow is the first day back to work after a 2 week break. I hate my job, but I am so glad to get out of this effing house!!! Don't know if I mentioned this earlier or not, but I'm a pre nursing student and my semester also starts back this week. STOKED. Well, nervous and stoked at the same time. I've been doing a little bit of reading for my Anatomy and Physiology class. It is going to kick my butt as it's full of memorization! The good news is is that this class is actually relevant to my major and that always makes it more fun. Plus, let's face it -- the body is an amazing machine!!! :)

Hence the reason we need to take care of it!

Need to do some meal planning for this week so I'll be needing to get on that pronto. Is probably going to be full of chicken... and more chicken. Most likely salads and chicken salad for lunch. I can actually start adding fruit back into my diet as I am on phase 2 now so I may be able to go back to my age old staple of apples and peanut butter. I will def keep you guys posted.

If you haven't checked it out already you should check out the blogs I'm following. They are fabulous and very funny! I can only hope that once I get the hang of this I can be half as good as they are!

Check 'em out:
Have You Seen My Weight?
Did I just Eat That Outloud? [Holy crap this girl is HILARIOUS!]
Ex Hot Girl [as recommended by DIJETO]
MizFit
It's A Panty Pyramid [Also recommended by DIJETO, cool concept]

Hoping to eventually figure out how to doll up this blog a little bit more as well.

Happy end of the weekend everyone!

Hope you all have a FANTASTIC week!

Before Pics

Okay so as I promised, here are some before pictures. As you can imagine I am not too happy with them. I took them today so these are the most current and I will be taking them randomly as I lose weight. I will probably take them every 10 lbs lost or so. I just don't think taking them every week will be healthy for my psyche as you will not be able to see much of a difference. I guess this just really goes to show me that we, or at least I, do not always view ourselves as we really are. I knew I had some fat arms, but I didn't realize I had the little elbow thing going on to where it almost looks like it's rolling over itself. Also, I knew I had some back rolls, but DANG!

I *WILL NOT* be letting these pictures discourage or depress me. They will be motivation to keep moving on and to better myself. I do not want to look like this FOREVER. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!

Yesterday wasn't such a great day either. *sigh* For some reason there was a MAJOR chocolate binge. Although, in sticking with my attempt to be more positive and have a better attitude I will remind myself and you of this -- We cannot go back and change the hands of time. What happened yesterday or in the past is exactly that... in the past. We must focus and be in the NOW! I cannot change the actions I took yesterday, but I do have control over the actions I am currently taking.

Today I have had a bagel with cream cheese and lox. I have had one caffeine free diet dr pepper (didn't even know they made those until the other day -- YAY!). I will continue to drink more water and dinner tonight will be the baked chicken with avacado and provolone melted on top that I made the night before last. I have some baby spinich salad that I will be having later and I really need to go to the store probably and get some veggies to eat with meals and as snacks.

Make it a great day everyone!

Oh yeah...

I guess I should add this in here as well:

I will update my blog later with the list of specific goals my therapist and I came up with. The more specific your goal is the more likely you are to obtain it... also there is a need for a plan of action.

One of the goals we came up with was for me to start off exercising for 10 minutes 3 times a week. This may not sound like much, but often we bite off more than we can chew -- setting ourselves up for failure. 10 minutes of exercise is better than none. If I decide to do more then AWESOME, if not, I still met my goal. My therapist said that she does not make exercise a requirement... well, suggest for it to be a requirement for the first few months because often a new lifestyle change is enough for us to handle on our plate. In combination with school and work... I have a lot on my plate.

January's Exercise Goal is 120 minutes of exercise. I will keep you all updated throughout the month!

I will be posting up some before pictures on here soon.

Also -- check out www.3fatchicks.com/forum This website is AMAZING and has really helped me. There are a lot of fantastic resources available on the website and everyone on the forum is EXTREMELY supportive of one another and have helped me tremendously. If it weren't for those girls....I can definitely say there are days I would've thrown in the towel. Check it out for yourself!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I hope everyone had a FANTASTIC day/night yesterday. I behaved myself really well up until my family get together which was a planned diversion. I guess it really wasn't ALL that bad, all things considered. I'm into Phase 2 of SBL so I can start adding breads (wheat) back in. We did our traditional bagels with lox. YUM!!!! I also had some shrimp, 6 mini egg rolls, 4 meatballs (which really wouldn't have been that bad except for the BBQ sauce they were cooked in) and 4 pieces of chocolate. That was my gluttonous decision. My co worker had given me a box of European chocolates (brand name is Merci) that I had been eye-ing all break. Yummy! Except for the tummy ache afterward. Go figure. When you cut all of those bad carbs and sugars out and then have a tummy full your body revolts!!!

I ended up being in bed by 11:00. I know all of you are probably thinking LOSER. Well, yeah. HAHA. Actually there wasn't much as far as choices to do here. I didn't want to drink (hell, I'd already had enough calories with food) and alcohol is a no-no for the most part. Plus I drank on Christmas so that was the trade off I had already decided on. I don't like going out downtown because there are too many drunk drivers and I just don't like driving home late on big nights like NYE and putting myself at risk. I'm not really a HUGE fan of all the drunken drama of house parties and pickins were slim so... I stayed home. I slept in until 11:00. *gasp* That's the latest I've slept in in quite a while and the latest I've slept in all break.

Got up this morning and had another bagel (whole wheat) with lox. Went to Starbucks and tried the Skinny Vanilla Latte with sugar free vanilla syrup. Not too shabby. Although I am still partial to my regular coffee with sugar free vanilla creamer and 3 packets of splenda.

Not really sure what's on the agenda food wise for the rest of the day, I just know it's going to be ON PLAN! :)

On SBL you're kind of limited with the sweet treats you're allowed. I have been doing one tablespoon of natural peanut butter and a fudgesicle. Kind of tastes like a Reese's Cup, but it gets a litttttle old after a while.

Here's a list of permitted Sweet Treats:

SWEET TREATS (Limit to 75-100 calories per day)

Candies, hard, sugar-free
Chocolate powder, no-added-sugar
Chocolate syrup sugar free
Cocoa powder, baking type
Drink mix sugar ree and nutrient enhanced
Fudgsicles, no sugar added
Gelatin, sugar-free
Gum, sugar-free
Jams and jellies, sugar-free
Popsicles, sugar-free
Syrups, sugar-free
Some Sugar Free Products may be made with sugar alcohols (isomalt, lactitol, mannitol, sorbitol or xylitol) and are permitted on the SBD. They may have associated side effects of GI distress (abdominal pain, diarrhea & gas) if consumed in excessive amounts.


Years ago when my family had gone on Atkins we had found candy bars made by Asher's that are geared towards low carb diets and are sugar free (made with sugar mannitol). They used to carry them at GNC, but I guess since the "fad" is over they don't carry them as much anymore. I had to go to www.Ashers.com and I bought a case (comes with 20) of their sugar free milk chocolate candy bars with liquid caramel. YUMMMMM!!!!! You have to horde those suckers (ended up costing $35 with shipping) and also you can't eat too many too often because it WILL mess up your tummy!!! Those should be arriving on MONDAY! WOOHOOO!!!

I'm off to start on my homework. Work starts back Monday and school starts on Wednesday the 6th, which means I have my online class and only ONE on campus meeting this week. Luckily it's not my long day (those are Tuesdays).

HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE!!! I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR NEW YEAR!!!

As my friend Damien says "May the best of your 2009 be the worst of your 2010!"

PS I'm not one for resolutions as I always feel we set up ourselves for failure with these... HOWEVER... I am striving to be more positive, complain less (I am quite the fan of bitching) and to have a better all around attitude. We'll see! ;)