Happy Spring Break

I just wanted to check in here again and let you know I'm still alive and I'm still kicking ass and taking names (in case you were wondering).

My weight has continued to bounce around... this is why I typically try to weigh no more than twice a week but the 180s are just so close I can't help myself.

Eating has continued to be on plan. I've worked out the past 4 out of 5 days... which is UNHEARD of for me. Yesterday I was debating on taking a rest day or not and I'm glad I didn't. My calves/shins are sore. I felt like there was a twinge of shin splint in my right leg -- I'll admit C25K was INCREDIBLY hard for me on Saturday morning -- so at the suggestion of my fitness gurus I did the elliptical instead of running yesterday.

Let me tell you -- I will take running on the treadmill ANY day over the elliptical. It's my arch nemesis and it made me it's bitch yesterday. My thighs were on FIRE. I only did 15 minutes on it yesterday which came out to be 1 mile. That was enough and I kept telling myself... Just get to one mile, just get to one mile... okay one mile or 15 minutes, whichever comes first. Of course the girl that looked to be my age had been on it for over 30 minutes... as well as the OLD guy beside me. It was the better choice yesterday as my shins didn't hurt and it's low impact comparatively, but to those of you that are elliptical gods and goddesses I salute you because you're all fucking crazy!

I then finished up with 20 minutes on the bike... I love that thing. Especially when you put it on a fitness course so you have resistance like you're actually biking up hill etc. It was a lot harder after doing the elliptical.

So today... I am going for day 5 of 6 at the gym. If things go as planned and I go out of town I won't be working Friday or Saturday. Sunday may or may not happens so I'm pushing myself to work out through Thursday.

I am SORE...and it feels good!

So... I'm off to take a shower (yes I know, I'm a weirdo like that) and head to the gym (to come home and take another shower). Then I'll be doing some chores around here -- my room looks like one of the 8 tornadoes that passed through the state specifically hit my room due to travelling.... and then enjoying my day off.

Hope you all are well and staying on track!

Sunday Funday

Well, it's been an interesting week to say the least. I've kept you guys up to date and don't really have anything exciting to tell you.

I joined the gym on Wednesday, actually went to the gym on Thursday, took Friday off, I went to the gym yesterday for 45 minutes and went to the gym this morning for an hour. For me that's pretty good. I just hope I can keep up the momentum.

However, I have had quite a bit of motivation. #1 I started eating on plan again. I went from weighing in on Tuesday at 194.5 to 190.5 Friday and Saturday. I decided I would definitely take it since it was for more than a day. That in and of itself has been a great motivation. Seeing the scale actually moving for once... and being so close to the 180s (FINALLY) has been fantastic.

I know I've mentioned before I am supposed to see my friend Mike who hasn't seen me in YEARS and when he did it was at one of my lowest weights (between 150-160). Our original plan was to meet the weekend of April 16th. I was hoping to be 170, but alas I got side tracked and wasn't eating like I should so that's not going to happen (BOOOO). Now we will be seeing each other THIS coming weekend and I'll be honest... I'm a girl and I freaked. Let's face it, he's not going to care, but on a self conscious and self esteem level I flipped. I wanted to be at least 185 because that would give me a few weeks to feel better, plus it would only be about 5 lbs away from 170..... for some reason that's the magical number in my head, but when you don't stay focused you don't reach your goals. However, at the rate I'm going I may actually BE 185.

Yesterday I wasn't hungry. I got up, ate a few almonds, went to the gym, completed W1D2 of C25K, came home and was ravenous. I ate lunch, took a nap and I just wasn't hungry for the rest of the day. It was amazing that I actually struggled with whether or not I needed to eat even though I wasn't hungry. I consulted a few of my homies and decided... if I'm not hungry, then I DON'T need to eat. Sometimes we get so caught up in this "I need to eat because I think I 'need' food" that we don't remember to listen to our bodies. So I didn't eat for the rest of the day.

This morning I woke up and weighed in... I couldn't believe it... 188.5. SERIOUSLY?!?!?! 188.5!!! YEOOOOWWWW!!!!

I will admit I'm a bit apprehensive about it. I feel like it may be because I didn't eat much yesterday, it may play a part in it and today is the last bit of TOM so it may be a post-TOM whoosh as we like to call it.

Either way, it's nice to see that working out the past few days and eating right has paid off. I need to remember this moment and remember that if I want to get to my goal its hard work and its a lifestyle change.

I had been meaning to take progress pictures. You may remember my original picture at 202 lbs. I was going to take pics every 10 lbs but didn't manage to do it so I did this morning. It's nice REALLY see a difference.

I know this picture isn't the best as part of the bottom is cut off, but you can still see the difference.



BTW - The current weight of 188.5 puts me at 19 lbs lost. One more and I will have reached a 10% body weight loss! HOORAYYYYYY Plus 20 lbs is pretty freakin good... only 43 more to go!

Alright, I'll take it

So I weighed in this morning hoping that the scale wouldn't magically jump back up from the 190.5 yesterday. Nope, it's still there. I've talked to several people that say flying in particular can really take a toll on the body. It seems to dehydrate them or make them bloat so maybe that combined with finally flushing my system out this week caused the sudden drop.

I woke up with a really horrible headache/borderline migraine this morning. I've taken some tylenol and as soon as get this thing under control I'm headed to the gym for W1D2 of C25K and I'm actually going to do some strength training. The gym has a 20 minute circuit so that should be good.

I've never been to the gym on a Saturday morning so I'm wondering if it will be crowded.

Will report back soon.

My body is a strange machine...

After finally settling down and getting back in town I weighed Tuesday morning. I didn't really want to look at the scale but avoiding it wasn't going to do a whole lot of good either.

194.5. Crap. I mean, it could've been much worse considering there were a LOT of chips and queso eaten in a 3 week period. Okay, maybe it really wasn't THAT much but for me it was because I had gone almost 3 months without any. In my world and to my body it was queso overdose (and it was heavenly).

Tom is here this week. I haven't been feeling as terribly bloated as I usually am so that's been good. Don't get me wrong, still bloated, but I don't feel like an Ethiopian with a distended belly either.

Yesterday was my first day back ON PLAN. Seriously ON PLAN. Also, I worked out. I drank a decent amount of water (I'm noticing my body isn't as ashy any more. I hardly drank any water over the past weekend and was amazed to see the affect it actually had on my skin!).... I didn't feel dehydrated this morning. I didn't feel like I was having a terrible fit of sodium bloat (which ALWAYS shows in my hands).... let's bust the scale back out, just for kicks.

190.5

Now, don't get me wrong.... I was ecstatic to see THAT number after I feel like the scale has been fluctuating and slowly rising.... but how did I magically lose 4 lbs in 3 days?!

It could be a number of things. I ran about a million reaons through my head as to why it couldn't be true. Mostly because i don't want to get on the scale tomorrow morning and be disappointed if it's back up.

Let's just say its a good motivator right now!!!! :)

She's back in the game people....

HOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!

I bought new shoes. Now, I will admit, I'm probably a sucker, but I'm okay with it. I look at is as an investment. I went to this store called Raleigh Running Outfitters. The guy analyzed my gait and told me what I already know -- I'm pigeon toed and my feet roll inward. I realized that last summer when my Rainbow sandals finally died and I took a good look at them.

The guy brought out a pair of Asics and Saucony. The Asics were more comfortable... they're silver and pink... and I bought them. $100 later I walked out of the store and went straight to the GYM.

I actually did C25K in front of people. I'll be honest, I was terrified but I realized I was more concerned with what I was doing than the people around me and they should be too.

Also, my treadmill at home is WAYYY different than the one at the gym. I walk about 3.5 on mine at home (3.8ish at gym) and run about 4.5 at home (5.2 at gym).

ONE work out down... 14 to go.

Then I had to go get some things at Target all pink and stinky. HA! My eating has been OP today.

HASTA LA VISTA 190S!

ne·glect [ni-glekt]

–verb (used with object)
1.to pay no attention or too little attention to; disregard or slight: The public neglected his genius for many years.
2.to be remiss in the care or treatment of: to neglect one's family; to neglect one's appearance.
3.to omit, through indifference or carelessness: to neglect to reply to an invitation.
4.to fail to carry out or perform (orders, duties, etc.): to neglect the household chores.
5.to fail to take or use: to neglect no precaution.

–noun
6.an act or instance of neglecting; disregard; negligence: The neglect of the property was shameful.
7.the fact or state of being neglected: a beauty marred by neglect.

I think that about sums it up, ladies and gentlemen.

I went from "FUCK YEAH I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD" to "holy backslide, Batman."

Obviously it's been a LONG while since my last post. I had 3 weekends of travelling which ended up resulting in really horrible eating plus there were some concerts here and there and while my social life improved drastically, my eating suffered tremendously.

So here's where I'm at. This week is TOM, I weighed in on Tuesday morning at 194.5. Started TOM Tuesday afternoon. That was up 2 lbs from the previous week, and up 3.5 since my last update March 1st.

Last night was my last "hoorah." My dad is out of town so my mom and I went to IHOP where I indulged in yummy gluttenous food in preperations for battoning down the hatches. I felt guilty. Really, really guilty.

So, instead of this being a long sob story about how I'm not doing like I should be and I'm disappointed I haven't been losing weight when I've been eating like crap (doesn't really work that way unfortunately) I'm going to tell you guys my plan of action to get BACK in the saddle.

I'm going back to P1 of SBD. Which means NO wheaty-carbs for the next 7 days. The only carbs I'm getting are from veggies, no fruits either. Also, I decided to do calorie counting as well. I want to be more conscious of what I'm putting in my body as well. Fit Day says in order to reach my goal of 150 lbs by July I need to eat 1299 calories a day. My friend Stella suggested that I eat around 1200 a day and then I can allow myself some play on the weekends.

Back in December I cancelled my gym membership. I hadn't been in MONTHS and I was wasting $20 a month, plus school had was starting and I really knew I had no time so I cancelled the membership.

I am now a member of the gym again. I debating on joining the gym across the street from work. They're more high dollar, but they offer spin classes and all sorts of other things which I thought might be appealing. The only problem is this... a) I may run into students/parents from work. No thanks, especially when my fat ass is attempting to run on the treadmill or dying in a spin class b) I go to the chiro which is across the street from my old gym which is also about 15 minutes from home c) I figured I would be more motivated to drive 15 min vs. 30 min to the gym. d) the old gym is 24 hours. Granted, I have a hard time sleeping if I work out really late and you all know by now my ass doesn't get up any earlier than I have to so I'm not hitting the gym at 5am, but it's still nice to know you can if you want.

After weighing some pros and cons I decided to go BACK to the old gym. I am a card carrying member again.

My plan is to work out 5 days a week with 2 rest days. Wednesday will be one rest day and I guess I have the option of giving up Friday, Saturday or Sunday depending on the plans for the weekend. I know it sounds like a lot to bite off but lets face it - it's already the end of March. Which means summer is fast approaching. I don't want to feel like a freakin' whale again. I want ... no SCRATCH THAT BULLSHIT, WILL be 150 by July. I would LOVE to look better in June when I go to Starscape Festival with Jen and Jon (not to mention I would love for them to notice since I saw them in January). I want to be fit and I want to do lots of things I haven't done in a while. I want to feel more comfortable in tank tops and I want to feel better in general. I love having more energy and I know that working out will help with that. Plus I wanna be a cute lil hippy on my excursions this summer!!!! I mean, I'm already cute, but I want to exude "I FEEL FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC" about myself. So part of that is working out/eating better and another HUGE part of that is learning to LOVE ME the way I love other people.

More blogging! Just like on 3FC (which I haven't run away from, but haven't been posting as much either due to being on the go constantly) when you run away it's usually because you're hiding and ashamed. When I have a good day the first place I want to go is there and share my victories and joy, or here. However, there hasn't been much of a victory to post about lately so I've been hiding under my "I suck at this game" rock.


Better planning! Not just for my meals, but for life and working this lifestyle into the real world. One of the things my therapist and I talked about before I went on all of these trips was being prepared. I half heartedly said "uh huh, yeah, sure" to the ideas we threw out and now I'm really disappointed that I didn't follow through because she was right. So, you always need a back up plan. There are ways around everything you just have to be dedicated to it. Yes, it may take some will power, it may take some planning or a little more work, but is the number on the scale more important or is being lazy? I vote my scale because I'm tired of the freakin' 190s, I'm tired of this back slide and I'm ready to see the numbers fly down again.

A better attitude! Just going to reiterate that I really want to work on loving myself the way that I love other people. I have a really huge heart and I love people whole heartedly the way they are... and I try to see the best in them. Why do I have such a hard time doing that with myself?

I would like to say a special thanks to Jennierose and Haley. Those girls are my foundation right now. I know without a shadow of a doubt they will be kicking my ass and texting/calling/emailing me and bitching me out if I don't go to the gym and I don't eat well. I'm so proud of both of them. Haley has lost almost 90 lbs!!!!! Jennierose I think has lost about 50 (sorry if it's more!).

So yeah, there ya have it people. This is my struggle. A constant battle within my own head of self sabotage and getting back on the horse, but... I feel pretty confident about it.

OH... a few more things I forgot to mention. My therapy homework this week is to write about what I will do at goal weight. I'm talking nitty gritty how will I feel, what kind of clothes will I be wearing, what kind of activities will I be doing, etc. I have a whole list of things to write about. I'm pretty excited about it because I feel like it's my weight loss "dream board" and this will give me a push in the right direction.

AND... I want to make a list of things things I have done and the things I know I can do. I mean seriously -- I started this whole thing the week before Christmas! It was probably the HARDEST time of the year to do that with Christmas dinners and treats surrounding me. If I can resist THAT... I can resist my own temptation. I think maybe finding some clothes I want to wear... and reminding myself of things I look forward to doing will be a big motivator.

FUCK YEAH!

I would apologize for the title of my post, but to be honest, I'm not sorry. I think I deserve a MAJOR FUCK YEAH! If not from anyone else most definitely myself.

Let me bring you up to speed... (I promise, this will be short and sweet).

TOM is over (HOORAY!). I'm officially at 191.0!!!! I bought some new clothes (which my complaint about clothing is going to be another post for another day). I took some pictures. I know now officially owe you guys some progress pics. I haven't had a chance to take them yet (I wasn't alone in the house and wasn't comfortable asking someone else to take them or setting up my camera and doing it myself like I did before... they're coming. I promise!), but I did take some pictures of the OLD jeans I squeezed into and the new jacket I bought. I adore this jacket. Now, it was pointed out to me by my most trusted weight loss friends that the jacket is too short... which it is supposed to be. That's the style. But, I did have a longer, dark gray shirt underneath that was pulled down. I will be wearing a LIGHTER colored shirt under it from now on. :)

So here is the first picture. It's my favorite because I'm slightly cut off in the mirror and it makes me feel "skinny." Well not SKINNY, but it makes me feel better about how I look.



Here is the full on picture...



Okay, don't be scared by this guys. I still don't feel GREAT about this picture, but you know what? It's my body and I have to take ownership of it.... and hell, it HAS to look better than it did 15 lbs ago, RIGHT? Also, I am aware that I have a HUGE ass. I mean seriously... that thing is a badonka donk... and yes, ethnic men LOVE MY ASS!


I'm going to throw in this super cute pic just for shits and giggles because I really love it.


I can seriously tell my self esteem is getting back up there because I'm not hiding from the camera anymore. And I have some pretty cheesy grins going on there. Apparently I'm also on a yellow kick I just realized... yellow jacket, today I wore a yellow dress shirt and to work out I wore this gold/yellow shirt. They say yellow is a color of happiness. I'm gonna roll with it.


With the encouragement of a few lovely ladies (and accountability partners) over at 3FC and a little inspiration from my favorite Mrs. Fatass.... I started C25K today.

For those of you unfamiliar with the program it is an 8 week program that gets your ass off the couch and running 5k! Check out this website for more info. http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml Also, for those of you fabulous IPhone users there is an app for it. It's only a few dollars and TOTALLY worth the money you will spend on it. The thing I love is that you can start your ipod, and then go into the C25K program and both will run at the same time. Yay technology.

I'm going to copy the post I made over on 3FC in regards to the C25K program...

HOORAYYYYY! I did it and I survived!!!!

Actually, it really wasn't as bad as I remembered it being. I think there are a few things that were important this go round and I'm going to share for those of you just starting.

I only STARTED this back in December and didn't make it very far into it. However, I remember feeling like I was going to DIE even after the first day. I made it through, but there were times where i really didn't think I could make it through the minute-minute and a half intervals and would stop short... Which was still good because I was pushing myself, but I was really struggling.

I run on a treadmill. I've never been a runner, quite honestly I'd be embarrassed even if it was just running around my neighborhood or the track up at the high school near my house. I find comfort in my treadmill in the garage. I'm also a nerd and I get prepared to go do this... and by prepared I mean I take my laptop out with me (I will put on a movie or some kind of internet streaming video) and my iphone (has the app and my ipod on it).

I don't really remember the speeds I was running at before. I don't think it was anything incredibly excessive... and I'm pretty sure my treadmill is a little faster than the one I used at the gym. Today I was walking at a pace of about 3.3-3.5 and "jogging" (I think the J is silent) at a pace of 4.0.

I have lost about 17 lbs since I last tried time. I would say that has helped tremendously. I can tell a major difference.

I think the BIGGEST difference this time was that I didn't push myself CRAZY amounts. I took it easy and I took it slow. Don't get me wrong... I was tired at the half way point. My heart rate was up, my legs were definitely burning and I was breathing heavy, but I wasn't DYING and grasping for straws to keep myself going.

So... TAKE it easy. This is TRAINING, it's not a race. If you need to slow down it's okay. We'll all get there eventually, in our own time.

Keep checking in here (Thanks Amy for starting this thread). Not only are we in this weight loss journey together, we're in this fitness journey together too.

Hang in there guys! <3 Thank you all for your encouragement today. There are days when I get frustrated and want to throw in the towel and I think of everyone here and I keep going.

So, to continue on with the theme here are my 2 post-C25K pics.
This one says WHEW.... cause I may have had my ass handed to me!



And this one says "I FEEL ACCOMPLISHED. YAY!" along with "I'm sweaty and my legs feel like jello right now!"



I'm feeling pretty damn good about life right now.