This is why therapy rocks....

So I had a semi-enlightening therapy session last night. I realized a few things:


#1) my birthday (which is in NOVEMBER) is about 12 weeks away. HOLY MOLY that is NOT that far off. Where the heck does the time go?

#2) She pointed out that anything worth doing is worth sacrificing for... meaning that the beer and random dinners (off plan) I like to participate in are what I'm going to be able to do more of during maintenance... not so much right now (not meaning I have to deprive myself, but I can't do it EVERY weekend and those 3 beers really need to be 1 beer or no beers).

#3) That sometimes I feel that if I don't partipate I'm going to be excluded and while other people may be dealing with their own issues interally mine are more obvious on the outside because I'm choosing not to drink/eat off plan and therefore people are going to ask me about it.

#4) Instead of going out to a bar/tap room/wherever we will be eating/drinking I need to suggest another activity that may not put me in that position.

#5) With a boost in confidence comes complacency to an extent. When I feel better about myself and I know I look better I am not chomping at the bit quite as hard as I was 25 lbs ago.... but I still have another 40 lbs I really want to lose.

I don't want it to sound like I'm saying "oh I'm depriving myself" because I'm not but I need to get it through this thick head of mine that in order to continue losing I need to be ON PLAN 99% of the time like I was when I first started.

So my goal (even though I hate giving myself specific dates) is to be at 150 on my birthday (11/14). That's another 32 lbs.... 12 weeks... 2.5 lbs / week.

How bad do I want it?!

Food for thought I thought maybe some of those things might help you guys out too.
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I'm still going to personal training. I'm still going and doing cardio 4-5 days a week. I even have a gym buddy! WOOHOO! Which makes it a lot easier when I'm being grumpy and don't want to get out of bed on Saturday and I get a text that says "hey do you want to meet at such and such a time." Well, truth be told NO I don't want to but am I going to? You bet your ass I am.

I'm going to be starting a food journal after I get back from Atlanta (July 1-6). I will be logging EVERYTHING I put in my mouth. I'm hoping this will help keep me more accountable and I can also see if I'm going off track anywhere... and while I still refuse to count calories maybe I can keep a rough estimate of what I am eating so I have an idea there too. I downloaded a nifty calorie counter on my iphone which makes life easier, especially on the go.

I haven't been posting much (on here or over on 3FC) because life is so chaotic. 10 hour work days + gym and then FINALLY getting home at night to have to eat, go to bed and do it all over again is exhausting and doesn't leave much time, but the important thing is that I'm still doing it even if I'm not posting about it every day.

I'm not dead...

I know it's been a while since my last post. Every time I tried to sit down and write it recently I would get distracted then de-motivated and I would stop mid post.

So here's the general run down of what's been going on with me.

I'm still working out. I'm still eating on plan. I'm still strugging with these STUPID 180s, but I'm not discouraged.

I actually started working out 2 times a week with a personal trainer. I really like working with her because I've never done weight training and have NO clue what to do. It was actually pretty intimidating so it's nice to learn what I can do (and can do on my own) to build lean muscle/tone up.

The first guy I saw for my "assessment" worked me too hard. I could barely walk in Savannah... it hurt that bad. Lee, my trainer, never pushes me TOO hard. I mean don't get me wrong, she pushes me, but not to the point that I'm in pain...

with the exception of Monday which I didn't even realize was going to be a problem. We worked on biceps and I couldn't stretch my arms all the way out for 2 days, but now we're good and I will tell her tomorrow when I see her that it was a little too much. I guess we need to knock the weight down a little.

I really am trying not to beat myself up for being so out of shape. I get tired and I cannot do a lot as far as weights are concerned with the upper body. But she always reminds me that I have to start somewhere and I'm making the choice to start so we'll get there but it's going to take work. Having HER say that to me means a lot.

I've been doing 4-5 days of cardio, 2 days WITH the trainer and then I try to incorporate a 3rd day where I do some of the exercises on my own.

I'm really digging it.

Yesterday I weighed in at 183.4. I couldn't exactly figure out WHY. I had gotten down to 181.8. Granted last Thursday we went out after work and I did partake in some fried pickle chips and I had 3 beers, but I didn't drink any this weekend and I behaved myself relatively well.... minus that one episode with the donut that taunted me.

TOM started yesterday so I'm hoping that explains the jump back up and will hopefully provide a nice woosh post.... I'm really ready to see the 170s.

Since it is now summer time (and I work for the public school system) my schedule has now switched to 4-10 hour days meaning I work from 7-5pm. Then I go to the gym and go home....and by then it's dinner time and bed time to start all over again. The plus side is a guaranteed 3 day weekend and if I'm lucky (like this weekend) I get a 4 day weekend and don't have to take any vacation time!

And a side note to the 170s - I'M COMING TO GET YOUR ASS.... seriously. <3 me

It has been 6 days since my last confession...

Whew! Alright, let's play catch up here. Don't worry, it will be the abbreviated synopsis.

Last weekend I had a breakthrough. Granted, it wasn't perfect, but it still showed me some things. I went to go visit friends that live about 1.5 hours away. I hadn't eaten anything all day (got there around 2pm) so I was ready to eat a small baby at that point. They took me to Mexican. I really have to start avoiding Mexican, it's like taking an alcoholic to the liquor store. I just can't say not to queso. So 2 beers, chips and salsa and BBQ chicken nachos we split between the 3 of us later I wasn't exactly off to a good start.

We met some of their friends for dinner and I had the grilled chicken salad and 2 beers. Oh yeah, there may have been 2 bread rolls involved too, but still, a vast improvement from stuffing my face with chicken tenders and fries.

Sunday morning we went to IHOP. While I wanted to order 23048209384 pancakes I opted for the omelet instead. The downfall here was the order of hash browns. By the time they came I didn't even want to eat them but I had ordered them so I felt bad.... their omelets are super sized so it was MORE than enough (I only ate half). I ate half of the hash browns, but stopped. So again, not perfect, but at least I was making better choices out of the poor choices, right?

The rest of the holiday weekend was on plan. I worked out Friday night, Sunday and Monday morning.

I managed at one point to be down to 181 (I think this was Sunday after drinking the 4 beers on Saturday) so I figured it was probably due to dehydration.

I've been bouncing/hovering between 182-184. Either way, I didn't have to unravel crazy amounts of damage from the weekend and that was nice.

I have a 3 day work week this week because I'm taking a big trip to Savannah this weekend. I was supposed to go to the Starscape Festival in Baltimore this weekend. That's another story, but needless to say I'm not going and really disappointed. Check it out online it's an amazing jam band meets techno festival they do every year with some really amazing artists. *pouts* But I made NEW plans and it's still going to be awesome.

I haven't made time to work out. Monday I did, Tuesday I had errands to run and some cleaning to do around the house, Wednesday night is therapy which leaves today. Glorious Thursday, which is also my day with the trainer at the new gym. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time.

I did find out the hotel I'm staying in Friday and Saturday has a gym in its facility. If April doesn't get off of work early tomorrow then I may go work out and shower before she comes back. And I will more than likely wake up before everyone else on Saturday so maybe I can squeeze a work out in then.

So the HOPE for this weekend is to drink a lot of alcohol, have a lot of fun, but keep the eating on plan.

Does anyone have any cool suggestions for things you HAVE to do when you go to Savannah? I'm with locals but you know, they're probably tired and bored of it because they live there.

Savannah is considered to be one of the most haunted places in the U.S. I am SO excited as I love paranormal stuff.

Hopefully I will return with lots of cool pics!!!! [Maybe a ghost or 2 included]

Oh and P.S. Could you guys please cross your fingers that my bathing suit top comes in the mail today. I would really like to take it with me this weekend!

<3