On To More Important Things

I had written a post the other day that I saved and never completed. It was about how awesome my week and weekend were, but I never got around to finishing it and today I have better news so I threw the scraps to the dogs.

As of today, I am no longer obese. I'm still overweight, but I no longer hold the title of an "obese" person.

The scale this morning was 185.4. I also realized that while I had been weighing myself constantly, I hadn't really been great about updating my weight loss over on the side there, but you still get the general idea.

This weekend is THE weekend. The weekend when Mike and I will finally see each other after year and years and years. I'm nervous, excited, anxious and more than anything else completely self conscious. I will really have to fight these demons in my head, but you know what? Love me or leave me. I am who I am.

There are a few things I'm really proud of...

I had originally set a goal for myself when I re-joined the gym to work out 15 times before this Friday. I'm at 14, which means that after today, I will have completed my goal. That to me... is flippin awesome. And you know what? I like going to the gym. I like working out. I might not always WANT to, I might go kicking and screaming, but when I leave I feel better, I feel better about myself and I'm really glad I went. Even on days when I hurt and I take it easy, I still went and did it rather than coping out. To me, that is a true accomplishment.

That doesn't mean that now that I've completed my original goal I'm going to stop or I'm going to go less. It just means I need to keep making goals for myself and sticking with them. I KNOW I can do it. That makes me feel like walking around with my head held high.

If you read back, in January I had put my initial weight goal for this weekend at 170. Obviously I'm not quite there. It was obtainable but somewhere along the line I got distracted and wasn't pushing myself the way I needed to. I wasn't as on plan as I needed to be and because of that I'm not there.

So I'm not proud that I didn't make my goal, HOWEVER, I am proud that regardless I am still 22 lbs down from when I started this journey in December. I'm really proud that I haven't allowed myself to beat myself up over this. The other day the little voices started in and I stopped them immediately. Guess what? Beating myself up over what was done in the past isn't going to change it. I can't magically go back in time and do it over again (although, that would be freakin COOL).... but I can beat myself up which would lead to me binging or giving up... or I can continue to carry myself on this journey. I choose to continue.

Did you hear me - I CHOOSE TO CONTINUE!!!!!


Yesterday was a really hard day for me. I had a late lunch due to work being really hectic and then I had a lot of errands to run with impending trip coming up. So I had therapy, got my hair trimmed (which is another thing I'm proud of - I didn't chop it off because I made the deal that I'm not going to have a major hair cut until I get to goal), went and tried to do some shopping. I was SOOOOOOOO flipping hungry. I started thinking of all of the bad things I really wanted. Starbucks, Chick Fil A, french fries, chinese food, etc.... I called to see what my parents were having for dinner. Ribs and tater tots. Then I started thinking about all of the tater tots I could stuff in my mouth like a little chipmunk.... literally. I kept telling myself it was all because of hunger and being nervous, it had nothing to do with really wanting those things or needing to binge.

I waited until I got home and had told myself that if I ate dinner and was still hungry then I could have whatever, but I needed to eat my dinner first. THANK GOD my parents hadn't made any tater tots for me and because I was later than normal getting home they had eaten all of them so I couldn't become a chipmunk.

I had ribs and green beans. I was more than full. A little while later I had a skinny cow ice cream sandwich.

I hope you all are moving the right direction. What are you proud of lately? Have you been accomplishing your goals or trying to work towards them?